Posts: General / Kids say the darndest things..... thread

So my daughter comes up with two or three gems a day and I thought I'd share. Feel free to share your own silly kid stories in this thread.

So Zoe got accepted to a Grade A charter school. It was the third year we applied and she had to win a lottery to get in.

Us: Zoe you got accepted to the new school!
Zoe: And I accept them.

Zoe went to spend the night at her grandmothers house yesterday. We received a 12 a.m. phone call.

Zoe: I don't think this is going to work out. Makuka (Grandma) is snoring and there's nothing good on TV. Can you come pick me up.

Us: We'll be right there.

Mt step-mom and 5-year-old brother were watching Michael Jackson This Is It! And they show the Thriller music video, he turns to his mom and asks, "Why is Michael Jackson black?

Downbeat:
Mt step-mom and 5-year-old brother were watching Michael Jackson This Is It! And they show the Thriller music video, he turns to his mom and asks, "Why is Michael Jackson black?

lmao
how did she explain that?

The last one I remember is

"My mom says you're a low-life." -- One of my second graders.

Ah, kids. Aren't they just the fucking cutest?

They only tell the truth.

While cleaning one of the bedrooms, Flavia found a glow in the dark eraser and gave it to Zoe.

Flavia: See, you hold it up to the light to charge it.
Zoe: What a rip-off.

it doesnt beat



zoe: "pete!"

So I found one of those 'Officer Friendly' coloring books at work and I brought it home for Zoe. I was reading some of the parts about staying away from strangers and guns.....

Me: It says here if you find a gun don't pick it up.... go tell your mommy or your daddy.

Zoe: What does it say about missiles?








Me: Same thing.... go tell your mommy or your daddy.

So my brother-in-law has been growing a beard.

Zoe : Neko, you need to shave, you're starting to look like bigfoot and people are going to start going after you. And look even your arm is growing a beard.

onemiamibum:
So I found one of those 'Officer Friendly' coloring books at work and I brought it home for Zoe. I was reading some of the parts about staying away from strangers and guns.....

Me: It says here if you find a gun don't pick it up.... go tell your mommy or your daddy.

Zoe: What does it say about missiles?

Me: Same thing.... go tell your mommy or your daddy.

ROFL! Everything she says is gold! How old is she?

I have a little sister, Madison, who is 4.5 years old. It gets crazier and crazier what she is thinking and what comes out of her mouth. Like you don't expect her to know as much yet. She is a very stubborn girl with a strong personality.

Madison saw picture of me, my sis and bro on the wall and asked me questions about when we were younger. I told her I listened to my mom the best, my sister picked her nose once and it was caught on camera so Madison never drops that, and I told her my older brother always picked on me. So she goes and tells my mom.

Madison: Mommy, did you know Alicia picked her nose and got caught as a kid and Matthew always listened to you but RJ threw him around like a ball. Hehehehahahaha.

And I was talking to my mom about Chicago yesterday and she was there for it for a little. Today I get home from work and she's taking a bath but she hears me come in.

Madison: Matthew come here!
I walk up the stairs
Me: Yes, Madison?
Madison: Sit here.
Me: OK.
Madison: Why you don't want to live here? You can't leave here.
I was caught offguard but it was hilarious and cute.
Me: I never said I didn't want to live here. I'm just going to go away for a little bit.
Madison: Only RJ and Alicia can go. It's not fair. Why do you get to go on vacation?
Mom: Just think of it like you get to visit Matthew like you do RJ and Alicia.
Madison: OK you can go, Matthew.

m1nr:
And I was talking to my mom about Chicago yesterday and she was there for it for a little. Today I get home from work and she's taking a bath but she hears me come in.

Madison: Matthew come here!
I walk up the stairs
Me: Yes, Madison?
Madison: Sit here.
Me: OK.
Madison: Why you don't want to live here? You can't leave here.
I was caught offguard but it was hilarious and cute.
Me: I never said I didn't want to live here. I'm just going to go away for a little bit.
Madison: Only RJ and Alicia can go. It's not fair. Why do you get to go on vacation?
Mom: Just think of it like you get to visit Matthew like you do RJ and Alicia.
Madison: OK you can go, Matthew.

Yeah, its all good when it fits THEIR agenda hahaha.

Zoe is 6 now.

i read that like 4 times before i realized who matthew was and then it made sense.

I'm just back from a week long cruise with Flavia and Zoe. Zoe noticed that there was an Asian family dining at the table next to us.

Zoe: Look they have a special table for Chinese people.

Unfortunately Flavia's dad has had declining health the last several years, including Alzhiemer's and minor strokes that have left him too weak to care for himself. His care became too much for the family and today we checked him into a nearby home where he will receive 24 hour care. While we were there, Zoe found one of their business cards and handed it to me...
" Papai, your going to need this for when you get old.... or when you don't want to live with mamai anymore."

Zoe is hilarious.
My friends little girl who is 5 now just says actually all the time when telling a story. I will have to remember some of her one liners to share.

I went out to eat once with my grandma, my friend, and her little girl and in the middle of dinner she stood up to stand next to her mom and tried to whisper, "Who is this old lady that is eating with us?"

Ella has decided not to to say yes or no anymore. Instead she'll shake her head yes/no. I asked her today if she went poo poo, and she shook her head no, and continued eating an icecream cone, and watching dora. Meanwhile shit was leaking out of her diaper. As soon as I walked up to change her she ran away laughing, with an ice cream cone in one hand, and still attempting to watch dora while not paying attention to where she was going and ran into the glass backyard door. :( lol

spazdaq:


it doesnt beat



zoe: "pete!"

This weekend the whole family went to a restaraunt where Zoe struck up a conversation about her lineage with a total stranger.

Woman: "So who did you come here with?"
Zoe: "My dad's dad."
Woman: (trying to be helpful) "So you came with your grandfather."
Zoe: "No my mom's dad is my grandfather. My dad's dad is Pete."