So I went into this movie with an open mind. I had been curiously watching its development, which I knew to be plagued with budget and casting issues. I finally decided I would have to see it when they began marketing it as a nostalgic throwback to 80's action movies. I figured if we got some action driven plot and some good one liners I would be satisfied enough. Oh well.

There is barely even a plot in this movie to review. I struggle to describe the events other than Sylvester Stallone and his team of hardly on screen mercenaries try to rescue an island. No they're rescuing a girl. No they were working for the CIA. No they were refusing to work for the CIA. Oh fuck it I give up.

Whoever is responsible for the dialogue and editing should be drawn and quartered. The movie opens up with a random shot of a motorcycle pulling into a warehouse. It has nothing to with the movie other than the motorcycle has the title 'The Expendables' painted onto it. There are several scenes that really have nothing to do with the rest of the movie. Mickey Rourke has an EXTREME CLOSEUP where he delivers the most ridiculous monologue put on screen. I speculate the producers were contractually obligated to give him a monologue since his Oscar nod for The Wrestler. Mike speculates he was attempting to ad lib something relevant. His monologue had no more relevance to this movie than the Vagina Monologues.

In a very poorly edited scene, Stallone and Statham are racing to their plane. All of a sudden they are being chased by Eric Roberts and his army. Wait a minute....how did Eric Roberts get behind them so fast. Fuck they better hurry, he's right on their ass. Wait a minute... they made it to the plane.... where's Eric Roberts? oh he's not chasing them.... He and his army just like to drive real fast while the editor cross cuts them into Stallone's getaway. OK. that was exciting while not relevant to anything in the 'story' so far.

There are two or three one liners but its not worth sitting through this movie to get to them. Some of the action scene's were exciting, however they were so over the top of everything else on the screen, I found myself laughing all the way through them. This movie had all the promise of a straight to VHS tax right-off (DVD would never have it). There wasn't even any nostalgic value to it. It's a shame that they got all that action starpower together to make this underwhelming mess.

SKIP IT. NOT EVEN WORTH A RENTAL. IT MIGHT BE WORTH A MST3000 EPISODE.